Thursday, October 27, 2005

Dig: Venti Non-Fat, No-Whip Mocha Latte from Starbuck's

Sweet baby Jesus, that stuff is wicked good! I never used to drink coffee - and I still don't consider myself a coffee drinker. What I am is completely addicted to the friggin' VentiNon-FatNoWhipMocha (you have to say it like that - kind of like JudgeLanceIto back in the days of the OJ murder trial). Don't ask me if I want coffee because I don't drink coffee - I drink VentiNonfatNowhipMocha. I don't even know the ingredients of this thing except that there has to be herion in it so that anyone who comes within 10 feet of it gets addicted to it. Damn those people at Starbuck's for making such chocolately goodness!

Yes, I realize that there are approximately 12.8 coffee joints per capita in the US and I have punch cards from the 12.8 assigned to me to prove it. However, Starbuck's - ubiquitous, corporate Starbucks - is the monkey I choose to have on my back. Every morning, my monkey and I get in the car and drive to one of FOUR Starbuck's on my way to work. (Yes, I always put the seat belt on the monkey - I'm addicted, not irresponsible!!) Sometimes I go through the drive-thru where Sarah gives me my daily fix. Other times, I go into the grocery store to see my other source. Mr. Mocha (the monkey) hops on my back wearing his little Starbuck's hat and t-shirt and off we go to get our VentiNonfatNowhipMocha.

I do have one decision to make every day regarding my morning mocha: to save a few minutes by going through the drive-thru and NOT receive a punch or take the extra couple of minutes and go in the grocery store to take another step closer to a freebie by receiving that coveted star-shaped punch in my card. Let's just say that no one at work has said anything about being three or four minutes late most days....

I am more than happy to part with my $3.76 every day to feed my habit - except when my punch card is full. What a happy day that is! Free herion?! Yes, sir! Sign me up! Not only am I an addict, I'm a cheap addict and when I can get my "shit" for free, it ranks right up there with the birth of my kids as the happiest moments of my life.

Do NOT come between me and my VentiNonfatNowhipMocha! Picture a mama bear and her cubs. Now picture a hunter-guy wearing flannel camo coming between the two. Now picture lots of blood and guts with pieces of flannel camo mixed into it. Same thing with me, except I'm not all hairy like a bear.

For the love of God, people, if you don't want your life to go into a downward spiral, stay away from this devil-juice! Besides, that leaves more for me....

2 comments:

Susannah Nichols said...

I am a big fan of the pumpkin spice lattes. :) I really try to damn the man and not patronize Starbucks... but god. It's SO. DAMN. GOOD.

Thanks for coming by my blog! :)

Bing Ho said...

HAHAHA...you are one funny man. I'm just a random person from Taiwan and was googling for some starbucks mocha pics that I have to use on my Chinese teaching class presentation. I figured it's a good idea that I make getting a fabulous coffee in Chinese from Starbucks as my main teaching topic since I worked at Starbucks (just quitted two days ago). And there you are with your funny pic on here so I checked your blog. Now, I'm gonna go to Georgia for school. Sure I will explore my Starbucks experience in the US. BTW, my favorite drink is Ice triple venti light ice extra milk whipcream extra caramel caramel machiatto. Sooooo good!!

Bing greeting from Taiwan Starbucks