Friday, December 14, 2007

Don't Get: Why Some People Include Their Picture in Their Advertisements

Great title for a post, huh? Rolls right off the tongue!

So who does this? Who are the people that include a picture of themselves with their ad? Realtors do it. Car salesmen (yes, I know there are actually car saleswomen in the world, but I don't care) do it. Sometimes even hair-cutter-people (I refuse to use the word "stylist") do it. There aren't many purchases that are bigger in life than your house and your car so I can maybe understand why realtors and car salesmen do all they can to get their percentage of the sale. But does it really matter what the car dude looks like? I suppose he is trying to endear himself to me in his ad when he says "Big Joe won't say no!" with a big picture of himself in his sport coat and cheesy pose. I further suppose that most guys part with their money a lot quicker with a Pam Anderson look-alike than a Ruth Buzzy look-alike. So maybe this is where my cheapness overrides my guy-ness because, in the end, I'm just looking to dump my P.O.S. for as much as possible and drive off in a new ride for as little as possible. You could have long, crinkly hairs growing out of a mole on your nose but if you get me some free floormats, I'm all yours! No offense, Pam, but with easy access to pics of you when you were a few years younger, it's going to take more than a low-cut top to get me to spring for the completely unnecessary undercoating option.

So how about realtors? I gotta sell my shack and I need someone to get me top dollar and overlook the black mold and cracked foundation. Should be no sweat, right? Let me tell you what I don't need. I don't need someone to look good in a suit and use phrases like "open floor plan" and "better than new". What I need is someone to sell my crappy house to an unsuspecting sucker. If you can do that wearing a pair of cut-offs and a Motley Crue t-shirt with bed-head and an open sore on your upper lip and still make enough dough for both of us to treat the family to dinner, then sign me up! If George Wendt can get me an extra $5k on my house over George Clooney, then I'm going to have to kick People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2006 to the curb!

So who should have their pictures in their ads? Not many people. It don't matter what you look like as long as you is qualified to do what it is you do. Comprende'? I don't mean to sound all preachy and turn this into a whole "it don't matter what you look like as long as you is qualified to do what it is you do" thing, but shitsky, why do I care what my brain surgeon looks like? I'm glad to see that there aren't many brain surgeons advertising on billboards to drum up business but nobody really feels it necessary to post his mug in the waiting room either. Imagine, if you will, getting the news that you have a big crusty thing in the middle of your brain that needs to come out:

Referring Doctor: "Dude, you need to see a brain surgeon, toot-sweet!"
Dude: "Gotcha, Doc. Know any good ones? Someone that went to Harvard or something?"
R.D.: "Harvard, Schmarvard! I suggest Dr. Prettyboy because he has dreamy blue eyes!"
Dude: "Well, now that you mention it, it does feel like he is looking right into my soul..."
R.D.: "That's the spirit! I'll call his Parole Officer, I mean Secretary, and hook you up!"

Call me crazy but I would like to see Dr. Prettyboy's transcript beginning with second grade and interview several neighbors and ex-girlfriends before I want him poking around in my melon. Only after an exhaustive psychological work-up and a round of Trivial Pursuit would I let him remove my crusty thing.

How about plumbers? Kind of works the opposite way, doesn't it? If I saw an ad for a plumber that DIDN'T show the crack of his ass, I'd keep on looking. Same with a computer repair guy. Not so much the butt-crack thing but if he didn't have tape on his glasses, a whole bunch of zits and a peachfuzz mustache, I would have to question his abilities to fix my whatchamacallit.

Look, there are too many people who get by in this world just based on their looks. We all know how much I hate the talent-less Tyra Banks and if Shania Twain didn't look so friggin' hot in those ridiculous outfits, she wouldn't sell a single record. Anyone know how many tennis tournaments Anna Kournikova won? I know it ain't many but she still gets lots of attention and way too much money for endorsement deals.

So, realtors and car salesdudes - you leaches can just keep your pictures to yourself. Plumbers and IT nerds - let's see some buttcracks and peach fuzz so I know if you are worth a damn!


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Kickstand Pam said...

Funny, funny posts. You just replied by way - again - funny response. Thanks for the giggles :)

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Anna said...

Hey John, happy new year!

1. I will put the movie on all the relevant sites as soon as I can (we're editing it this weekend) - then you will be able to see it in all its Swiss glory

2. I just love the word "cosmodrome" at the moment, just say it, it's like making love to a beautiful Russian spy.

Cheers, and keep checking back,


ps: did you actually like the poems?

Laura said...

It's the middle of the month and my husband and I await you hate/dig/don't get post. Just to let you know, I gave my students your blog title as a journal assignment. They were the funniest journal writings I've read this year. They loved it. I will be assigning that topic until I crawl away from here with my crapola pension.

Laura said...

I made them break up the page into thirds and "reflect" about each favorites were the don't gets.
Example. "I don't get boys- they are far from funny."
"I don't get brussel sprouts."
"I don't get cloth diapers- that's just nasty."

funny stuff

Chandra said...

Well said.