Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Hate: Real World and Road Rules Whores

I mostly dig reality TV. I like the concept of watching people interact without scripts to see their true nature come out. After enough time, you just gotta be who you are. (Isn't that right, Mel Gibson and Michael Richards?) The same goes for me. While I don't think I would yell out the n-word on stage, all of the other corporate suck-asses that I work with might learn some unsavory things about me outside of Corporate-Suck-Ass-Ville. Fortunately, I've conditioned my wife to tell everyone that the bruises came from her accidentally falling down the stairs so at least THAT won't come up but most of my little co-workers would like a little sideways at me if they knew what a big Howard Stern fan I am.

So while I dig the concept, I hate a lot of the people involved with reality TV. I have to interject here, though, that Gary Hogeboom of Survivor (not NFL, in this case) fame, lives in my hometown. My wife taught his kids in school. I've met him quite a few times and I say hello to him at the grocery store and while walking the dog in the park. So I don't hate Gary. Now, one could make the argument that if I knew the rest of the people involved in reality TV as individuals like I know Gary, I wouldn't hate them either. However, anyone making that argument is an idiot and I would no doubt hate those people too.

So I'm here to tell you that the dopes on MTV's Real World and the various related spin-offs bug the tarnation out of me. I only know a few of them by name (again, I prefer to blindly lump people together) but the one name I do know is Beth Something-Or-Other. (After doing some research on, it turns out her last name is Stolarczyk). Beth was on the Real World in Los Angeles in 1993. She was the annoying blonde chick - or doesn't that narrow it down for you? People, we're talking 1993 here! If I could type 1993 in capital numbers, I would. If my cypherin' is correct, that means she first "burst" onto the scene 13 years ago and she is still hanging around on MTV as she is on the most recent version of Real World vs. Road Rules. She is ALWAYS on frickin' Real World vs. Road Rules.

According to Beth's blurb on the website, she is a graduate of Ohio State. Let's stop right there for a minute. As any University of Michigan grad can tell you, Ohio State sucks. That's just a given. My other issue is that while Beth's degree is in film, TV and radio production (who knew that OSU had such a thing!), I don't see her doing much producin'. I do see her on MTV calling other chicks bitches a lot. And on any given episode of Real World Road Rules Challenge, she will no doubt cry over being called a bitch herself but that had to have been taught in a 100 level course at best. I don't think she is producing much more than a bad reputation for herself!

I don't know the finances of being an MTV whore. It must be a good-paying gig for Beth and her little friends to hang around and keep doing these friggin' shows. I'm going to make a bold statement here and suggest that perhaps Beth and her whore-friends are able to eke out a little more dough doing this crap than what her OSU sheepskin might provide. I'm also going to suggest that perhaps a little more fame (infamy?) comes along with calling a girl a slut and pushing her into a swimming pool on film than would come from producing a TV commercial for Gynelotrimen medicated cream. Could it be that Beth et. al. are seizing this opportunity to stretch their 15 minutes into 16 or even 17 minutes? The real irony here is that these dumb-asses were on a show called the Real World and yet they continue to avoid said real world by being on stupid TV shows! Good God, people, I implore you to never watch MTV again!

Now then. Perhaps you've sensed some bitterness. You may have even mis-interpreted that bitterness as jealousy. No doubt Beth would call me a bitch and say that I just wish I was her. That's just not true - because if I really was her, I would have hired a rat to gnaw off that mole on my face a long time ago. Part of my problem with this whole deal is that I'm probably not part of the intended demographic for this show: I'm 39, have a normal name (not Puck or Trishelle), prefer Aerosmith to Kanye West and I generally don't get into fights no matter how much alcohol is involved. I'm sure the intended demographic is dumb-ass half-drunk college students - but they probably refer to Beth as the old chick. You know, the one with the mole. Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against dumb-ass half-drunk college students because that's what college is for.

Of course, MTV is really at fault here. If people didn't continue to watch this drivel, they wouldn't continue to make it. They are no doubt throwing a few bucks at Beth to play "Beth" on TV and she is more than happy to throw away mom and dad's OSU tuition money to follow her dream of becoming a media whore. And I'll be gosh-darned if she isn't well on her way. I've already set my TiVo for the Road Rules Real World 2028 to see how many hairs are growing out of The Mole on Beth's face. The over/under is 13.

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